a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
