is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
