Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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