It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
