She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
