who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize