those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize