dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
