all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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