This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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