I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
