Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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