We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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