Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
