Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
