I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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