I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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