What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
