Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize