I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
