i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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