I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
