Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
