So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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