My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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