You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
