she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
