I'm going to jail i love you
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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