i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
