i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize