who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
