My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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