Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
