we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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