i permit you to call me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
