I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
