You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
