What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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