Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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