sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
