i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
