Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize