The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
