brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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