I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
