So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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