Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
