Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
