They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
