My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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