What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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