today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
