this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
