All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
