how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
