yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
