So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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