that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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