The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
