I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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