I just cut my nipple shaving
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
