So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think people are normalizing furries
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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