I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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