you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
