What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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