Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
