dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
