apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
