All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
