are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
