my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
