My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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